December has really been a very hectic month for me.  I was so busy here and there with this and that that I didn't have much time to write.

Well...  On the other hand, there is actually nothing to write about for there has been not much development with regards to my journey to conception.

However, let me share some of the photos taken during our Christmas Eve Dinner. 

Enjoy!

Trying to Set the Mood!

I'm no good in Table Setting and Arrangements!

A view from below...

Oh pretty flowers!

What's Serving?

My Fruit Basket!

A Basket of Fruits with some Home-Made Muffins

For those who wanted to go vegan!

Not to forget about the Buttered Mixed Vegetables...

Oh Seafood Pasta!

Steamy Salmon

Not without the Steak!

Delightful Choco & Caramel Cake

Mini Mini Muffins

For some, our menus might not be that special but we all put our hearts into it and had so much fun while doing so.  Our dining table might not be as abundant as with the others but we celebrated the Christmas Eve full of love together with a close number of friends and relatives.

The preparations might be a little stressful for all of us since Christmas is a no special day here in the Middle East.  We all have to work until 5:00 PM and rush ourselves to make it on time.  No matter how stressful the preparations were, everything was worth it.  Our hearts were filled with joys and laughter - Enough to warm our hearts and for us to temporarily forget how far we are from home.  Everything was priceless...

Merry Christmas everyone!

 

I think I was finally over with the frustrations brought about by Aunt Flow’s untimely visit.  I just thought that it would be much better if I look at it the other way around and let not anxiety consume me up – It would be much healthier that way!

I came to accept the fact that it might be God’s will to delay the surgery for He may have planned things to be so much better than how and what I’ve expected them to be.  By this, He opened both my eyes and my heart to see the beauty behind the ironies.

Though only a few knows about my supposedly scheduled surgery, they were all surprised when they saw me at work yesterday morning.  Of course, curiosity was in the air but I am glad that I am blessed with a bunch of intelligent and understanding co-workers that I need not re-tell the situation over and over again in order for the matter to sink into their minds.  They have such broad understanding and their mouths were all gifted with those kind words of encouragements that have really brought me peace.

I also have learned that one of them has actually gone as far as monitoring the Ward’s and Operating Theatre’s Schedule just to check me out and that the other co-worker has also coordinated with the Horticulture Section to prepare a flower bouquet for me.  Such simple gestures have really touched my heart.  I felt so loved!

Unlike the other day, I felt so different this morning while I was heading to Dr. ANB’s Clinic.  I no longer feel that heaviness in the heart and everything seems to be fine now.  I was even surprised to instantly able to get a hold of Dr. ANB who initially rescheduled the surgery on the 31-December-2011 but was opposed by me.  

Yes, that’s right.  It was I who objected!

I told him that it would be so much better if we can reschedule it on 07-January-2012 so that I’ll be able to complete the Department’s Monthly and Annual Accomplishment Reports before I go on leave.  With a smile, Dr. ANB responded with these words, “Your department must take good care of you for you are taking good care of your department.”

Wow, I just had another compliment!  One that is good enough to keep me going...

Oh great, Aunt Flow just showed her ugly face.  She's a few days early and is just in time for my surgery.  What an excellent timing...

Boo!

This is really frustrating.  After all that I've been through just to have this schedule set, I am now back to ground zero.  I am so disappointed!

I am supposed to be admitted at 10:59 AM but because of Aunt Flow, Dr. ANB decided to reschedule the surgery to avoid future complications.  He's afraid that a possible infection could take place if we push through with the activity.

Though I am agreeable to Dr. ANB's decision, I can't help but feel distressed.  Apart from the fact that Aunt Flow just spoiled my supposedly Christmas Break, I am so mad that Sir Bug and I still need to hold on a little longer before we, again, can try to conceive.  I feel so sad and wanted to freak out!

Hello everyone!  It's already been two weeks since my last update.  Your Lady Bug here has been very busy with both work and social matters that I almost didn't realize that my surgery will be due in two to three days time.  Given that fact, I am now experiencing that mixed emotions of excitement, fear and joy.  I actually do not know what exactly should I feel since I don't know what lies ahead of me.  I just hope everything will turn out right and I am lifting everything up to God.

Should the scheduled appointment be followed, my admission is at 10:59 AM of Friday but the actual surgery shall take place on Saturday morning.  As per Dr. ANB's recommendations, I must be hospitalized for five days where thinking about it makes me weak on the knees.  I don't want to be stuck in the ward for five days without Sir Bug!

Well, just to let you ladies know, I'll be brought directly to the Female Ward after my recovery wherein the said ward is inaccessible to Males.

Inaccessible to Males!

Yeah, that's right.  That's how things are in this hospital...

Anyhows, I have my girlfriends and some female co-workers who are willing to be with me during those times.  I think it's okay but it would be much better if Sir Bug can be by side during those crucial times.

Oh and I am already missing him!

Today, I am so thrilled to receive another award from EndoJoanna, a fellow Endo Sufferer who just undergone surgery last 15-November-2011 and is currently recuperating.  She is the brave, young woman behind Living With Endo and I am wishing her good luck as she move forward in her journey.  Please do find time to check her blog out.

Similar to the Liebster Blog Award, certain rules also applies in receiving this award:

• Thank the person who passed the award on to you.
• List 7 things that people may not know about you.
• Pass the award to 15 other bloggers and don't forget to notify them as well.

I must confess that thinking about those seven things to reveal about myself is never that easy.  I spent quite some time contemplating and here's what I came up with...

As a child, I think I was cute.  But you need not agree with me.  Here's a photo of mine when I was just one...  Lol!

I quit my job as a manager just to be with my dear husband whom, from this time forward, will be addressed to as Sir Bug.

I’m a sucker for Korean Dramas and 49 Days is among my favorites.  I cried a lot while watching it and I am pretty sure that I still will if I watch it again.

I really love the way Narcisa Malfoy pronounces Harry Potter’s death in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows 2 – “Dead!”

I love to eat and pig out!  I love to travel and explore different foods from different cultures.  One of my friends actually thinks that I have really weird taste buds.

A few years ago, an angry bird dropped its poop on my head while my brother and I were strolling down the mall – a very embarrassing moment indeed!

 

Red is my favorite color and it is my major preference in buying things.  This Red Slap Watch is one clear proof of my obsession.  I know this has nothing to do with red but I just love Slap Watch's Tagline – If it doesn’t say SLAP, it’s not a SLAP Watch!

So there goes the seven things that you may not know about me.

Now, what about the subject of passing the award to?

Alright!

Listed below are the 15 blogs that I have picked:

• BIAGO - Baby, If all Goes Optimally

• My Ordinary Miracles

• Hope Delayed

• Praying for a Pregnancy

• My Notes on TTC and Life

• My Infertility Road

• My Journey Through TTC... So Far

• Mummy, are there yet?

• A Blanket 2 Keep

• My Fertility Blog

• Bringing Home Baby

• Baby on my mind

• My Journey to Motherhood

• Our Wish

• Beckie's Infertility Journey

By the way, there's one blog that I really enjoy reading but did not include it in the list for the writer has been so open about almost everything that you'll easily felt connected to her.  I feel guilty ending this post without mentioning Mad Hatter of Late for a Very Important Pregnancy. She's been such an inspiration and I like her so much.

So ladies, please don't feel any pressure if you're way overswamped at the moment to participate. This is just for fun.  Let's take it lightly...

Lots of love and the best of luck to you all!

After three days of hunting Dr. ANB, I, finally, was able to catch up with him and obliged him to prepare an Operating Booking Form for my upcoming surgery.  However, I  must admit that hunting down someone like Dr. ANB whose schedule alone is as busy as a bee was never an easy job.  To add insult to the injury, the hunting was even tougher than I've expected since he is currently covering for Dr. HM.  Just my luck...

For the past three days, I spent at least an hour or so hanging out at the Fertility Clinic with the hope of having to be able to get a hold of the said doc.  My timings might have really been that bad during the first two days for I have never found a single piece nor a shadow of Dr. ANB.  Nonetheless, no matter how busy the nurses in the said clinic were running to and from one place to the other, I was very much entertained and lucky to have all their cooperation and support.  They were all very nice that they even tipped me the other details of Dr. ANB's schedule.


Persistence Overcomes Resistance!

A huge thanks to that philosophy that I was able to endure all the waitings.  I finally was able to seize Dr. ANB and convinced him to prepare the necessary papers.  I told him that I need a definite date for arrangements must be made with regards to my work schedule.  He was really so kind that he made me choose which of the upcoming Saturdays would I want the surgery to be scheduled.  I, of course, after having been able to check "my calendar of so-called social obligations", picked the 3rd Saturday for the Month of December thinking that it would be the most perfect time to be away from work...


Sick Leave On Christmas?

Well, I think it is now time to disclose to you guys that your Lady Bug here is an expatriate who is currently based in a country somewhere in Middle East where Christmases and New Years are treated like any ordinary days.  Here, we don't get to enjoy the same annual festive season that we used to enjoy way back home.  We get to work during Christmas Days!

As far as the surgery is concerned, I think that having the procedure done on 17-December-2011 will be an excellent timing for it shall provide me with a valid reason of taking a short break from work to celebrate a stress-free Christmas with friends and relatives -- Dr. ANB has indicated in the Approved Employee Elective Surgery Application Form that as part of my recovery, he is recommending that I undergo Five Days of Hospitalization and Fifteen Days of Sick Leave.  Just in time for the holidays...  Wow!

If my instincts serves me right, I really do feel that the upcoming surgery is one true blessing that I must be thankful of.  Jitters, of course, cannot be avoided but I am clinging more on hope and optimism.  I wanna stay as positive as I can and I really am hoping that this procedure will lead and advance me to the next level of my journey to conception...

Liebster is a German word which means "dearest" or "beloved".  It is also used to refer to as someone's "favorite" and the idea of the Liebster Blog Award is to bring attention to blogs with less than 200 followers that deserve more recognition and encouragement.

Today, I am much honored to have received two from Still Hoping of Hope Delayed and BW of Mummy, are we there yet?.  Two woman whom I admired so much because of their wits, courage and great faith.

Just as much as I wanted to keep the award for myself, there are certain rules that to be followed:

• Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who gave it to you.

• Reveal your top five picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.

• Copy and paste the award on your blog.

• Hope that the people you've sent the award to forward it to their five favorite bloggers and keep    it going!

I guessed the rules are plain and simple that requires no further explanation.

I've been following and reading tons of blogs but I can only get to pick five and here they are:

• Jess of My Notes on TTC and Life.

• EndoJoanna of Living With Endo

• Amy and Robert of My Journey Through TTC... so far

• Allison of Praying for a Pregnancy

• myfertilityjourney of My Fertility Blog

So ladies, let's pay it forward and spread the love!

I've been spending quite some time tweaking my blog's layout.  I don't know what came into my mind that I feel like changing it.  My old layout's actually fine but there's just something that I am looking for which, up to this moment, I failed to determine what it is.

My blog's old desktop layout.  Shot taken from my computer.

I'm not sure if any of you have noticed that my blog's layout has changed for quite a number of times during the past 24 hours or so.  Well of course, you will only get to notice it if you regularly visit my blog...

My blog's fresh clean look.  Thanks to Webfolio!  Picture taken from my mobile phone.

Finally, I was able to find one template that suit me -- the Webfolio Theme by Site5.com.  It's a magazine style template that is widgets ready and lots of features built within it. It includes a slider gallery of posts, a search bar and comes with a full Blogger functionality.  But what I really love most about this template is it comes with a fresh clean look.

Okay, enough about the layout.

What about the topic of trying to conceive?

Of course, I have a little update to tell you guys...

After having been able to obtain the signatures of the appropriate authorities, my Employee Elective Surgery Application is now all set and ready to go.  I immediately paid Dr. ANB a visit to let him know of the good news but he was way too busy that he asked me to come back on Saturday for him to book me a schedule in the Operating Room.

Things may be moving on a bit slow but I'm glad everything's in the right track.  I surely would need lots and lots of love and prayers as I brave this part of my journey.  Lord, help me please...

My long wait is finally over.  After almost a month in the pipeline, I finally will be able to get to see my Fertility Specialist and I am just dying to hear what his findings are and what our next steps would be.

Unfortunately, I just found out from the attendant when I checked in this morning that my doc is still out for a vacation and that I shall be seen by a different physician. She must have read all my frustrations that she immediately uttered these words to me, "Don't worry, the doctor whom will be seeing you is as equally skilled as the other".

Okay, just for the sole purpose of having to easily identify which doc I am referring to, let's name my original Fertility Specialist as Dr. HM and let's call the Covering Physician as Dr. ANB.

Now, let's go back to the topic above...

The nurse introduced me to Dr. ANB who gave me a warm welcome.  As he was analyzing my chart, I just realized that Dr. ANB happens to be one of the hospital's Fertility Consultants.  With that, all my worries instantly disappeared in thin air.

Dr. ANB started off by telling me that all my blood works were fine and that my hormones are at a normal level.  He then asked me if I already am scheduled for a Laparoscopy because if I still am not, he will need to prepare an Employee Elective Surgery Form immediately.

Wait!  Didn't I mention before that I worked in a hospital and that I am entitled to a full hospitalization coverage (with no cost) which includes Dental, Obstetrics & Gynaecology as well as In-Vitro Fertilization or IVF?  I don't want to sound bragging but isn't that cool?

Anyhows, Dr. ANB and I talked about endometriosis, the ovarian cyst that I have and the need for a surgery.  Everything went on fine but it surprised me seeing what was written opposite of the "Surgery Procedure Required" field in the form -- Laparoscopy and Laparotomy!  I didn't know that there is also need for a Laparotomy...  I was only expecting for a Laparoscopy.

And of course, I asked Dr. ANB tons and tons of questions which were all answered satisfactorily. Of all the informations I've learned, what embarks my mind most is the fact that I shall be having what they call a bikini cut.  Yes, a bikini cut!

A Bikini Cut?

All my life, I haven't been to Pregger's World and yet, here am I, will soon be getting a cut and a surgical procedure similar to a Casesarian Section?  Boo!  I don't think that's cool...

Apprehensive I may be but what I am most sure of is the fact that I am very lucky and very much blessed to have the surgery and the treatment for free.  And for that, I am very grateful to God. So thank You Lord!

I don't want to sound complaining but how long do I really need to endure this severe menstrual cramps?  It hurt so much that it is enough to knock me off of my feet and interfere with my daily routine.  The twinges here and there feels like a punishment and Tylenol is the only friend that I can trust.  I am so tempted to grab my old friend Advil but having been able to learn how Ibuprofen's been unfriendly to Fertility, I am willing to bear the pain and settle for Paracetamol's subtleness.  I just wanted to put an end to this disease!

So this is it?  After a thirty-day wait and recently been able to dream of a big fat positive, Aunt Flow, once again, had shown her ugly face.  Though I still am not bleeding fully, I really can feel that she will soon come in full force anytime within the day.  I am now starting to feel that lower back pain that makes me too worried and afraid -- worried and afraid of the fact that I'll soon get to experience the severe pains and discomforts brought about by Aunt Flow's visit.

Just five days ago, I had this sharp pain in my lower abdomen that is enough to slow me down when I walk. The next day, I woke up very tired and fatigue was with me from that time onward. For the second time around since last month, I get to experience diarrhea two days prior to Aunt Flow's visit and while she is around.  Oh great, I think diarrhea would like to keep up with my cycle and I better get myself used to it.

Today, though I only have a light brown spot on my pad, I consider this as Day 1 of Cycle No. 3 of My Journey to Conception.  I just hope that this journey will not take that long and will just let me have my big fat positive...

but that was just a dream...  try... cry... why?

Look, I know I've been dreaming of seeing a big fat positive or bfp the next time I test but, to literally dreamt of a bfp is, I think, kinda obsessive.

Well, I guess I am...

I don't know but the dream might have something to do with me thinking on whether to test this morning or not.  Since Aunt Flow is scheduled to visit on the 16th and to save myself from the heartaches of seeing a big fat negative or bfn, I decided to hold it for a while and wait 'til Aunt Flow failed to show her ugly face. Physically, I might have succeeded from stopping myself from peeing on a stick but my subconscious mind might have responded to it the other way around.

At least, even if it was just in a dream, I was able to feel the joy of getting a pos. The dream was so real that I almost have believed it to be true!

I woke up wanting to pee.  I looked at the clock and it was exactly 4:30 AM.  My bladder felt like it was almost full so I went straight to the toilet.  While performing my stuff, I told myself, "Darn, testing is best done with the first morning urine!". Then, I crawled myself back to bed and smiled. Contemplating on what I have just dreamt of,  I praised God for the wonderful experience and begged him to please make it real...

"Bloated.  You look bloated!"

That's the morning greetings I received from one of my colleagues.  What the???  I thought I am losing weight and getting slimmer since I've been trying so hard to remove caffeine from my diet. In fact, during the first week of doing so, I tried substituting coffee with Celestial Seasoning's Green Tea (Decaf Mint) and I've lost an unbelievably 0.90 kg within a week of drinking one cup of it on a daily basis.

No kidding!

And how certain was I?

Okay, so here's the story...  I went to have myself checked on a clinic one Wednesday afternoon and as a Standard Operations Procedure, they had me weigh myself on a scale.  According to that machine, I was about 51.7 kg at that time and, considering my height, that figure was not easy for me to accept.  Hey, I'm in big denial, okay?   Anyways, immediately after I went off from my work, my dear husband and I went straight to the supermarket to buy some household needs and I decided to grab myself a box of the said tea.  Religiously, I drank one cup of it each day with the hope that it will aid me in increasing my cervical mucus.

Since I was scheduled for another check-up a week after I've initially been checked, I went back to the same clinic and they, once again, had me on the weighing scale. Unhappily, I went on with the procedure but my eyes grew bigger with what I saw from the scale -- 50.8 kg!  Such a big drop from last Wednesday's figures. Impressive isn't it?  And yes, drinking a cup of green tea a day was the sole change I made in my daily diet.  It's true.  I swear!

Unfortunately, no matter how overwhelmed I was with the effects of the said tea, I already am avoiding it since my Fertility Specialist had me on taking one tablet of Folic Acid each day.  Based on what I have learned from the world wide web, green tea interferes with the absorption of Folic Acid in the body which is very essential to the health of those women who are trying to conceive. Though the fact is still debatable, I decided to play it safe by dropping the green tea out and go for Twinings Revive & Revitalise Lemon & Ginger Tea instead -- a flavor which I have learned to love.

Whatever...  The fact that my colleague described me as bloated gave me a feeling of mixed emotions.  Though I am not happy to hear that I am gaining weight, it is, somehow, like music to my ears thinking that it might be an early sign of pregnancy!

Yeah right.

And there I go again...

Tres Onse or Three Eleven - That's how I'd like to call this day.  Not just because there are three elevens in the date (11-11-11) but also, this day marks our third year wedding anniversary.  Yep, that's right, we just turned three this November 11, 2011 and I just won't let this day pass me by without writing a little about it.

I had this smile on my face remembering how we planned our wedding to be witnessed only by a few people (only the closest of our friends and relatives) but ended up having at least thirty heads in our reception.  Whew, and that head count was confined only to the closest of the closest!  So, can you conclude how popular are we?  Just kidding...

Today, as we celebrate this special occasion, we, simple and private as we are, celebrated it with just a few number of people.  Three years have passed and still childless...  Ooopps, I'm just trying to sound sentimental!

Nevertheless, I thank God for blessing me with such a wonderful husband who's not just been playing as my partner in life but as my very best friend.  The only person who can make me laugh my heart out the way like no other person can do.  The only person whom I will spend the rest of my life with because together, hand-in-hand, we shall walk this journey through...

It's been a while since I've posted my last blog.  I guess, I really am a lousy blogger. However, I'm back and that's what matters most.

Well, as of the moment, I came to accept the fact that the second faint line I've got from my last home pregnancy test was, indeed, an evaporation line. Nonetheless, once in a while, the thought that I might have gone through what they call a chemical pregnancy still pops into my mind.  Hey, you can't blame me,  I really felt like I am pregnant during those times.  The symptoms says it all! Perhaps...

I've been spending quite some time traveling and having fun with my family and friends these past few days. God, how I miss all of it.  I have realized that I've taken this trying to conceive thing too seriously that I've let a lot of things ran me over. My senses has finally came back and from this day forward, I will try to take this journey a bit lightly.  I will try to walk myself through this in a whole new perspective.  Wish me luck my friends!

Now, I'm getting crazy and paranoid over here.  Aunt Flow came to visit me on the 18th (she's a day late) and I bled for six days followed by a light spotting for two days.  Then, from Day 9 onwards, I've been discharging this stretchy light brown mucus which bothers me.

As per Pink Pad, I should supposed to be ovulating on the 3rd of November and I don't know if this has something to do with it or not.

The Faint 2nd Line

All of the sudden, the faint 2nd line I got when I tested six days prior to Aunt Flow's visit came into my mind.  Would there be any possibility that the faint 2nd line I got would have been a pos?  How come?  I'm confused!

After that worthwhile visit I had with my Fertility Specialist, I wasted no time and went directly to the lab for the required blood works.  While I was examining the request, I just can’t help but take a deep breath and wonder how many vials of blood this time are they going to extract from me?  I remained still for a while and then I realized that I wasn't, at all, required to fast.  Well, let's just look at the bright side of it...

Then, for the third time, I get to see Sarrah, the tech who has tested my patience when she missed the nerve after injecting the needle into my skin and who has to reinsert another one just to be able to do it right.  Had she not had that very pleasant and accommodating personality, I might have freaked out while looking at my arm as she move the needle in different directions trying to hit the right nerve. Nonetheless, freaking out is just wasn't me.  As much as possible, I'd like to remain calm and keep my cool.  I will try to tolerate things as much as I can.

But now that I have in my hand the result of the various blood works that I have undergone, I just find it hard to relax knowing that some of the figures are below or way above the normal range...

Complete Blood Count
WBC : 6.0 (4.0 - 11.0) 10^9/l
RBC : 4.62 (4.0 - 5.40) e^12/l
Hgb : 120 (120 - 160) G/L
Hct : 0.366 (.360 - .540) l/l
MCV : 79.1 (76.0 - 96.0) fL
MCH : 26.0 (27.0 - 32.0) pg
MCHC : 329 (320 - 350)
RDW : 14.2 (11.5 - 14.5)%
Plt : 338 (150 - 400) 10^9/l
MPV : 6.6 (7.4 - 10.4) fL

Serology
HBsAg : Negative (Negative reference range is negative.)
AntiHbc : Negative (Negative reference range is negative.)
AntiHbs : 0.8 miu/ml
AntiHCV : Negative (Negative reference range is negative.)
Rubella IgG Ab : 110.9 iu/ml

Basic Screen
BUN : 2.9 (2.5 - 6.7) nmol/l
SodIum : 138 (136 - 145) nmol/l
Potassium : 3.8 (3.5 - 5.1) nmol/l
Chloride : 107 (95 - 110) nmol/l
CO2 : 22 (22 - 29) nmol/l
Glu R : 5.2 (2.9 - 7.8) nmol/l
Crea : 58 (53 - 97) umol/l

Liver Profile
Bili T : 4.5 (3.4 - 20.5) umol/l
Alk : 66 (40 - 150) u/l
Alb : 44 (35 - 50) g/l
AST : 20 (5 - 34) u/l
ALT : 14 (5-55) u/l
Total Protein : 78 (60 - 83) g/l

Hormonal Tests
LH : 2.9 iu/l
FSH : 6.9 iu/l
Testosterone : 1.4 (0.5 - 3.7) nmol/l

Others
CA 125 : 612 (<35) u/ml
CEA : 1.73 (<5.00) ng/ml
AFP : 1.6 (0.0 - 11.1) ug/l

Having to have seen the underlined figures in my CBC, one can immediately pick up that my MCH and MPV are slightly below the normal range.  But that doesn't worry me much.  Instead, the thing that I am really upset with is having the CA 125 highly elevated than it should supposed to be and I really find it hard to relax learning from the net that high levels of CA 125 is associated with an ovarian tumor or cancer.  I am in desolation and I feel like crying while I am writing this.  I just don't know what to do...

So, the day has finally arrived for me to sit down with my Fertility Specialist and discuss the test results that my dear husband and I got from the lab. This is it, the anxiety will finally have its end or... could it be the other way around?

My appointment was at 9:00AM and I don't seem to be that excited to be present in as early as 8:30AM.  While I patiently waited at the Female Waiting Area, I seem to have seen a beam of light walking my doctor through his way to the clinic.  Just like an angel!  Then, I heard the nurse called my name and I woke up from that weird dream of mine.

I found myself sitting in the doctor's office while the doc scan through my records. The room was very still. He broke the silence by telling me that my hormones were just fine and that the levels are within the normal range except for one particular hormone which he did not mention.  He must have been quick enough to read my worries that he immediately comforted me with these words, "Since everything seems to be fine, the low numbers may be due to an analysis error.  This report may have not been accurate and we'll have to run another test again just to be sure." Admittedly, I sort to have found an instant relief on those words.

I asked about my dear husband's Semen Analysis Report and he replied that the numbers were also within the normal range and that his swimmers seems to be of good quality.  However, he was looking into the "high viscosity" and "liquefaction" thing which he has doubts of.  Explaining how factors like the condition or manner how the semen was being collected can greatly affect the results, he has put into consideration that there might be some slight error on the procedure on how the specimen has been analyzed.  But since the numbers were just fine, he assured me that there is not much to worry about.

He then proceed to telling me that since my hormones and hubby's semen were just fine, our next step is to have the condition of my tubes checked through a procedure called Hysterosalpingogram (HSG).  He said that he was also thinking of having a rerun of the previous blood works that I had and that he'll soon be off for a vacation which means that we'll be seeing each other after four weeks.  Four weeks?  I don't think I can wait that long for I still have some issues on my mind that I have to clear up with him!

The ugly cyst that's blocking the view of my right ovary!

So, without wasting time, I asked him about the ultrasound report.  I told him of the difficulties that Jane has undergone just to have a view of my right ovary because it was blocked by a cyst.  Again, he went back to see my records and asked me to lie on the bed for he will perform a quick scan of my abdomen.  The nurse was so sweet that she immediately assisted me in positioning myself into the bed and applied the gel on my skin.  There it goes... I get to see that nasty cyst again.

The doc then went back to his desk to write a request for a Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI) Procedure.  While he was doing so, I informed him of the fact that a hemorrhagic cyst has also been found located somewhere near one of my ovaries in an ultrasound conducted way back in 2007.  He then stopped writing and asked me if I was sure about what I am talking of.  Of course I am!  So far...  I also told him that I still remember my old Gynecologist explaining to me that the size of the cyst that time was just like that of a marble.  It was also in that same procedure that I was diagnosed with Endometriosis.

Upon hearing this, he, once again, changed the plan.  Instead of the previous two procedures, I shall then be scheduled for a Laparoscopy but only after the results of the new blood tests has been confirmed.  He handed me the Lab Request and I was a bit stressed when I saw the number of checks.  Well, what can I do but proceed to the Lab and have vials of blood be taken from me again?

Apart from the fact that I find this session enlightening, it was also a funny thing when a friend of mine stopped by at the clinic and gave me a meaningful grin.  Out of the blue, I asked this question, "Why is it that when people sees you in a clinic like this, they always think of you as pregnant?"  His only reply was, "Don't worry, you will soon be!".  Wow!  Simple phrases like that is enough to make one's heart pound. Enough to keep my hopes up...

I remember one afternoon when I was impatiently seated at my desk, looking at the clock and wishing that time would move a little bit faster.  I just can't seem to wait and get out of work! So, when the clock finally hit five, I immediately logged out and hurried myself out of the building and there...  I was greeted by that warm smile coming from my dear husband who's been patiently waiting for me in spite of the fact that we're running late for a very important appointment

We drove for like five minutes and spent another minute struggling to find a good parking spot. Finally, we found ourselves in front of the Out-Patient Laboratory Reception Area being attended to by a middle-aged tech who handed a sterile container to my dear husband. She pointed her finger towards a door and said, "There, you go collect yours from that room!".  My husband and I looked and grinned at each other and then bargained with the possibility of having to collect the needed specimen from the comfort of our homes.  Well, as expected, the tech disagreed and my poor husband doesn't have much of a choice but to proceed to the Male Toilet and perform his stuff while I stayed outside waiting for him.

With that condition, I know that my dear husband will be having a hard time trying to bring his swimmers out to collect them.  So there am I, caught myself being entertained by watching a medical clip which I have no interest of.  Then, I spent almost thirty minutes of my time talking on the phone and wasted another five minutes walking to and from the hospital lobby.  This is it, I think it's confirmed - he really is having a hard time!

At last, my dear husband finally went out of the room all sweaty.  Poor him!  I handed him some paper towels and pat him dry.  With how he looked at that time, I've figured out that asking the obvious may not help.  So, I just hugged him and walked ourselves outside of the hospital.  It was already in the car when he confessed that it wasn't really easy for him.  I know!

It took us three days before we were able to come back and get the results. Though I don't have a clear understanding of a Semen Analysis Report, the figures seems to be fine with me except for the viscosity thing wherein I have read mixed information from the web.  I admit, I was a bit worried but I know, hubby's swimmers wouldn't be much of a problem than mine.  Anyhows, for those of you with a curious mind, these are the stats that we've got.  

Color : Creamy
Volume : 1.0 ml
Viscosity : Highly Viscous
Reaction : 8.0 (Alkaline)
Liquefaction : More than 1 hour
Sperm Count : 130 million/ml
Abnormal Forms : 20%

Microscopic
Pus Cells : 2-4/hpf
Red Cells : 1-2/hpf
Parasite : NIL
Spermatogenic Cells : 1-3/hpf

Motility - 1 hour later
Markedly Directional : 40%
Moderately Directional : 10%
Non-Directional : 10%
Non-Motile : 40%

Motility - 2 hours later
Markedly Directional : 35%
Moderately Directional : 05%
Non-Directional : 15%
Non-Motile : 45%

Now, whether it is of a good thing or not, all I know is that despite of the condition of how these swimmers were collected, my dear husband was still able to come up with such good figures! ☺

So I was advised by the attendant to come in full bladder for my pelvic ultrasound. My appointment is at 10:00AM but I feel like peeing in as early as 9:00AM.  I just thought of having to hold on to it for I am not sure if I will be able to full it by 10:00AM. Surely, it isn't an easy thing to do but I managed to hold on to it until 10:40AM. Yeah, you've got it right, they've let me wait for 40 minutes or so.

Jane was the name of the tech and she was very sweet.  Without wasting time, she made me lie on the bed, applied the gel and immediately performed a Transabdominal Scan.  There was nothing unusual to it but I wanted to immediately put an end to it so that I can rush to the toilet and pee.

Then, it's time for the next procedure – the Transvaginal Scan (TVS)!  Had I not had this procedure before, surely I’ll be shocked with the transducer (a wand-like device that they insert into the vagina) upon seeing it the way I was during my first scan. Anyhows, it took us quite some time to finish the procedure since Jane can't seem to have a view of my right ovary.  She said that a cyst, probably an endometrioma, was blocking the view.  She also has showed me the other images which, again, I have no idea of what it is all about.

To cut the story short, the session ended well and I have to wait for almost a week to have my hands on the analysis which goes like this:

Transabdominal and transvaginal studies were obtained.  No previous studies are available for comparison.

The patient gave history of prior endometriosis.  The uterus is ‎seen anteverted and measured 9.0 x 4.3 x 4.5 cm.  Normal endometrial thickness.‎ 

The left ovary is well identified and measured 3.2 x 2.9 cm containing few follicles.‎

The right ovary is not seen.  Instead, there is a relatively homogenous, slightly ‎hypoechoic, well-defined lesion seen in the right adnexa measuring 7.3 x 5.0 x 4.8 cm, ‎not demonstrating any flow within it. Its appearance is most in keeping with probable ‎endometrioma. Other differentials of homogenous right adnexal disease considered but ‎are less likely. Further evaluation may be done with pelvic MRI.‎

MRI?  Have I read it right?  Does it mean I have to undergo another test?

For how many years, I have always had these long, heavy and painful periods which are so severe that it interferes and hinders me to go on with my daily routines.  It is due to this reason that, all of a sudden, I decided to pay my doctor a visit with the intention of not just asking for an immediate relief, but to fully eliminate the pain.  Of course, as expected from a Family Doctor, I was referred to a Gynecologist whom, out of good fortune, happens to be one of the best in his field!  I was asked to undergo a pelvic ultrasound and a series of blood works which must be done on the 2nd and 21st day of my cycle while my dear husband was asked to have his semen examined.

It took us how many weeks to complete all the tests and a few days of waiting to finally get hold of the results.  I am looking at the figures below which describe my Hormonal Levels which I have no idea whether it is a good thing or not:

Progesterone : 27.60 nmol/l‎
Luteinizing Hormone (LH) : 2.2 iu/l
‎Follicle Stimulating Hormone (FSH) : 0.7 iu/l
Proclatin : 41.9 (25.2 – 628.8) miu/l
Testosterone : <0.28 (0.5 – 3.7) nmol/l
‎Thyroid Stimulating Hormone (TSH) : 1.710 (0.470 0 4.640) miu/l‎

My husband and I have been married for three years now.  Although we have been sexually been active all these years, it is quite intriguing how and why until this very moment, we have not been able to conceive despite of the fact that we have never been into contraceptives or any type of birth control methods.  This, certainly, have an impact on both of us that made us wonder far and more on what could have been wrong?  Could it be me?  Could it be him?  Could it be the both of us?  Could it be the lifestyle?  Could it be the timings?  Could it be just stress?  Or could it be just because we're not ripe for it yet?  There's so many "could it be's" in our minds waiting for the right answers that we've finally thought of making a little trip to the Fertility Clinic to find some light on these questions.

However, I must mention that our plan of finally starting our own family and of seeking medical advises and treatments were only known to some of our closest friends and relatives.  To this, you must forgive me for wanting to conceal my true identity for a period of time.  I must also admit that this "trying to conceive" thing is somewhat stressful and I am trying to find relief through this blog. I just thought that it might be helpful if I keep a journal and document every battle i face to combat infertility.  Who knows, God willing and the Creek don't rise, I will soon have this child of mine to look through this memento and show him or her how badly he or she was being wanted by his or her parents to be in this world and on how our good Lord was able to walk us through it.

And so my friends, I wish you will come and join me as I begin and end my battle against infertility.  Welcome to my journey to conception!