Aunt Flow (AF) is supposed to be due today and I actually do not know what to feel.  Part of me says that I might be out for this month but a bigger part of me stays optimistic that July may definitely be my month.

So the Curious & Impatient Me stroke back when I’ve learned last night that I still have one (1) stick left in our Medicine Cabinet and I wasted no time and peed on it this morning at around 4:15 AM and behold, it was a negative.  My heart was initially crushed but I managed to convince myself that it might still be too early for testing.  

What positive thinking I got here ei?!?

Anyhows, my mood was suddenly on when I entered my Basal Body Temperature (BBT) for this morning in my Fertility Friend Chart.  Well, the application might have finally agreed with me with regards to my Ovulation Date – Cycle Day (CD) No. 18.  Not quite exact but at least it is quite close to my projection which is CD17 which means that I am currently somewhere around 12 Days Past Ovulation (DPO).  It really felt good thinking that I am on track and I did something right.

Twelve (12) DPO and still with a Big Fat Negative (BFN)???

My BBT is continuously been rising but everything seems to be blurry and I just hope that AF will stay out of the way.

Fingers crossed!

 

Today’s Cycle Day (CD) No. 23 and if my calculations are right, I am currently 6 Days Past Ovulation (DPO).  So far, the following were the only notable changes that I’ve experienced in this cycle:

Frequent Headaches.  I don’t get to experience this much before but it seems like Mr. Headache is much in touch with me during this cycle.

Migraines.  I used to not know how to distinguish migraine from headache but this cycle was indeed helpful and partly educational that I get to learn the difference between the two.

Always Hungry.  Nothing surprising because I always am only this time, I am extra hungry.

Very Crampy.  I almost have forgotten her because she haven’t paid me a visit for quite some time now but I think Ms. Cramps had missed me so much that she came in early in this cycle and had never left me since then.  She was strongly hitting me from the pelvic area then down to my hips and legs for a few days in a row now.

Backaches.  My back has been killing me like I just carried tons and tons of loads in it.

Fatigue.  I suddenly became extremely tired of doing nothing.  Crazy!

Bloated.  Nothing new but it seems to be exaggerating itself during this month.

So So Gassy.  I feel like wanting to burp and fart most of the time.

Very Thirsty.  This is not me.  I barely drink 8 glasses of water a day but this cycle, I’ve been drinking an average of 1.5 Liters a day.  My throat seems to feel so dry nowadays that I always get to sneak into drinking and taking a sip.  I’m currently in Saudi Arabia where the majority is currently on fast because of the Ramadan Season and it is a big no no for Non-Muslims like me to eat and drink while they are around.

Frequent Urination.  Since I’ve been drinking too much, it goes to follow that I also pee a lot. Lol!

Not So Usual Abdominal Pain.  Yeah, I get to have an overstated abdominal pain before, during and after ovulation.  Very notable ones just took place yesterday where I am at CD22 and 5DPO.

I know and I’ve told myself not to obsess much but I can’t help it.  I am of so much hope that I won’t have to take Clomid in the coming months.  But this Two Week Wait is driving me crazy.  Symptoms that I have are also symptoms of Aunt Flow’s (AF’s) impending visit.  I feel so distressed!

I cannot help but stress myself as when am I supposed to ovulate.  I’ve been peeing on a stick since Cycle Day (CD) No. 9 and yet, the test lines seem to be so faint that it worries me if I am to ovulate this cycle or not.  I know that my body would respond a lot better if I am relaxed but things are indeed easier said than done.

Luckily, I didn’t get to have much of the talked-about side effects of Clomid.  It’s just that I am more consumed in having to succeed conceiving within this cycle.  I really hope that my body will respond well with the pill and that I need not take it further.

In my desire to successfully be able to conceive within this cycle, I tried, for the first, charting my temperature and utilizing an Ovulation Predictor Kit (OPK).  Frankly, I kinda’ like the idea of doing both but the inconvenience of having to find the right OPKs here in Saudi and its cost is a pain in the ass.  I tried ordering it online along with those sperm-friendly lubricants but, unfortunately, both EBay and Amazon doesn’t ship it to my location.  So I guessed I have to be contented on what is available here and be more creative.

But God is good.  He make things happen even if it is not exactly the way we expected them to be.  I might not have been able to find Clear Blue here but at least I still was able to find some which also serves the same purpose – Ovu-Sure and Femtest.

Ovu-Sure comes in six cassettes while Femtest comes in five.  I used Ovu-Sure from CD9-14 and Femtest from CD15-17.  And since it was my first time to use such, I struggled in interpreting the results.  It’s a good thing that there’s a number of support communities online who had helped me with it.

I’ve uploaded a photo of the OPKs that I had from CD15-17 and most of the ladies out there agreed that I did have a positive on the CD16 which means that I am most likely to ovulate on CD17.  Now, what bothered me upon learning this is if I was able to catch the window?  I hope I did…

Today’s CD18 and while writing this, I just felt a short sharp shooting pain on my right which brings me hope.  Oh Lord, I lift everything up to you.  Please take control.  Amen.

 It was 01-July-2012 when, after three months of a no show, I finally get to be visited by Aunt Flow (AF) and never had I thought that I’ll be that thrilled to see her.  At last, I am, once again, back in the track and is all set to board the Trying to Conceive (TTC) Train and continue with my journey.

Though AF always comes with those awful pains, they are now less likely than my previous periods.  Surprisingly, I didn’t get to experience spotting prior to and after her four-day visit.  Yes, her visit lasted only for four days which is so much shorter than she used to.

She came in late in the morning while I was at work and I immediately ran to the Appointment Desk to be able to have an appointment with Dr. ANB the next day.  Unfortunately, I cannot be squeezed in for all the slots have already been filled up but was recommended that I walk in if it was really that urgent.  Of course, it was really an urgent matter for me for I need to be seen on my Cycle Day (CD) No. 2.  I need to start the treatment as soon as possible for I am running out of time!

Persistence Overcomes Resistance!

So I actually did win the battle and was seen by Dr. FY, who covered for Dr. ANB.  The consultation went smoothly and it was indeed enlightening.  Like what I have mentioned in my old post, she was actually pushing for an In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF) due to my age but after weighing all the options, we both decided that I initially undergo an Induced Fertilization Process through Clomid.  Well, as far as I can remember, that was Dr. ANB’s plan…

I was told to take three rounds of the said pill beginning of CD2 of the current cycle and should supposedly be seen again on CD12 of the same cycle for monitoring.  Unfortunately, the available schedules don’t match so she decided to only see me again after three months.  But before parting our ways, Dr. FY stressed out that should I be experiencing a very bad abdominal cramping and nausea during Ovulation Time, I must have myself admitted to the Emergency Room (ER) and need not worry much for Clomid will make my body produced more mature eggs.  I was, somehow, pleased with the idea but still worried for I will go forth with the treatment for the next three months unmonitored.

Of Taking Things More Seriously

I finished my first round of Clomid on CD6 and according to the Clomid Ovulation Calculator which I found online, I should start using Ovulation Predictor Kits (OPKs) on CD9 and I am most likely to ovulate in between CD11 to CD16 which brings me more hope and extreme excitement.

Also, I have started charting my Basal Body Temperature (BBT) this cycle and although I only began taking my temps on CD4, I think I get to like doing so.  In fact, I even regret not doing it earlier.

I also learned that Clomid dries up one’s Cervical Mucus (CM) and thins the uterus – one thing that is quite alarming but can easily be reversed by taking Robitussin or any form of Guaifenesin and by Baby Aspirins.  To this, I forced Sir Bug into buying me a Robitussin and some Baby Aspirins.  This is it; I am now taking things more seriously.  I must conceive!

The Waiting Game

Since the Clomid Ovulation Calculator that I’ve found online indicated that I can start testing on OPKs in as early as CD9, I wasted no time and did so.  Unluckily, the test came out to be negative.  I guessed it was too early to test and decided to continue testing until I get that positive.

Today is CD16 and I still haven’t had a positive yet.  Though the lines are getting darker now, I can’t help but be worried and be frustrated.

Adding to all these uncertainties, my chart showed a temperature drop from 36.4°C on CD10 to 36.1°C on CD11 and then back to 36.4°C on CD12-14.  Did I ovulate on CD11?  How come I am not getting any positives on my OPKs?  Did I miss the window?  Or I really haven’t ovulated yet?

Oh this waiting game is driving me crazy!

Hello ladies, I’m back!  It’s been quite a while and I sure am been missing a lot out here.  How’s everyone doing?

I actually don’t know where to start as far as my journey is concerned but I am definitely am glad to learn that a number of my sisters out here have already achieved their much-awaited BFP’s and pray that you ladies will continue to do well in your pregnancies.  Can’t help but feel emotional on this matter not because of jealousy but because of joy that all your prayers, efforts and waiting have finally paid off.

As for me, a lot of things have taken place these past few months and I just wish I can detail things out.

I had my second and last shot of Lupron Depot on 26-March-2012.  I know that I’ve told you guys that I am supposed to have three but I missed my last shot because Sir Bug and I went out on a month-long vacation and can’t find a local pharmacy that will sell me one.  Anyhows, I didn’t get to experience many side effects on it except for the mild hot flashes and I didn’t get to have my period for three months.  Yeah right, I get to miss those terrible cramps and other sufferings brought about by Aunt Flow’s monthly visit for three months.  

I went back working on 26-May-2012 and had my follow-up check on 28-May-2012 but since Dr. ANB needs to attend to an urgent matter, it was Dr. AMS who covered for him.  I told her that I missed my last Lupron Depot Shot and she came back telling me that I need to take it at once and that I still have three more doses of it to be administered for the next three months wherein I disagreed for Sir Bug and I have taken a break from Trying to Conceive (TTC) for quite some time now and eagerly wishes to continue up with it since it’s already been almost six months past my surgery.  She then phoned Dr. ANB for his opinion and recommendations and I ended up to having scheduled for a Pelvic Ultrasound and a follow-up appointment on Cycle Day (CD) 2.  As per Dr. ANB, I shall be put on Clomid starting from CD 2 to CD 6 once I get to have my period.  That, somehow, gave me a bit of a relief but was suddenly snatched out of it when my conversation with Dr. AMS went on to telling me how difficult would it be for someone like me with Endometriosis to conceive and that the only chance that I have is through In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF) wherein I have to stand in a long queue in order for me to get through if I wanted it to be done in our hospital.  Otherwise, it would be better to have it done somewhere else where I will get to spend such huge amount of money.  

Is she kidding me?  I can’t believe her.  Never had I thought that a specialist like her would have talk to a patient like me in that matter.  I know that reality sucks but I’m pretty sure that neither Dr. HM nor Dr. ANB would speak to me that way.  The two has always been positive and certain on which approach and treatment would suit their patients best.  However, I just let it pass me by and convinced myself that unlike the average and less skilled persons, the more skilled people focuses on possibilities and finding ways on how to do things rather than focusing on the problem itself.

Days have passed and I continued to bloat and been mistakenly been suspected by a lot of people to be pregnant.  Well, I think it’s a compliment and I’ve enjoyed it.  But reality bites, I still am not pregnant!

It was 01-July-2012 when I, once again, felt that horrible cramps and AF came gushing like she was on a rush.  Oddly, I was glad.  I never imagined that there will be a time that AF will be mostly welcome and that I will be that excited to have her in.  I then ran to the hospital to get an appointment but unfortunately, the schedule was full and I was instructed to just walk-in the next day which I did!

Dr. ANB was again out at that time and it was Dr. FY who came to attend to me.  As usual, she went through my history and read me my Hysterosalpingogram (HSG) and Pelvic Ultrasound Findings which says:

Hysterosalpingogram

Findings:

Hysterosalpingogram under fluoroscopy screen after injection of water soluble contrast through the cervical canal.

Normal smooth filling of the uterine cavity.  No evidence of uterine filling defect is seen. Normal smooth filling of the right fallopian tube with good spillage and peritoneal smearing. The left fallopian tube shows normal caliber with smooth filling till its fimbral end where there is saccular dilation at its fimbrial end with no spillage seen during the delayed peritoneal smearing.  Features are suggestive of left peritubal adhesion.

Impression:

Patent right tube.

Left tubal distal obstruction with suggested peritubal adhesion.

Pelvic Ultrasound

Clinical History:

Primary Infertility with history of endometriosis operated, for followup.

Findings:

Anteverted normal-sized uterus measuring 8.0 x 4.0 x 5.1 cm.

Endometrium is central and not thickened measuring 1.0 cm.

No mass lesion is seen in the myometrium.

No free fluid is seen in the posterior cul-de-sac.

Right ovary measures 2.5 x 1. x 3.4 cm with volume of 7.7 ml.  It shows a follicle measuring 1.6 x 1.5 cm.

Left ovary measures 2.9 x 2.0 x 2.9 cm with volume of 9.4 ml.  A small cyst measuring 1.0 x 0.9 cm is seen in the left ovary with low-level internal echoes could represent a small hemorrhagic cyst.

Impression:

Anteverted normal-sized uterus with endometrial thickness of 1.0 cm.  Both ovaries are normal in size, shape and echotexture with a developing follicle in the right ovary and small probably hemorrhagic cyst in the left ovary.  For clinical correlation.

For a while, I thought the world would fall over me.  I waited for six months now to TTC again and having to receive the bad news of having another cyst on your left ovary is a little bit over my comprehension!  But then, I was glad that Dr. FY was quick enough to pick my reaction up when she told me to lie down for she will perform and On-the-Spot Abdominal Scan.  I went on so willingly and all my worries disappeared in a second when she broke the silence when she exclaimed “There is no cyst!”.

Then we continue to talk more while she explained her view and reasons for recommending an IVF.  This time, I didn’t feel that gut feelings that I had when I was with Dr. AMS.  She explained things so thoroughly that I can feel her concern.  Nonetheless, she might have said things so nicely and she was indeed convincing, I still asked for other options and we came to agree on having to be under an Induced Ovulation through Clomid for three months.  I was instructed to take it from CDs 2-6 and she would want me to come back on CD 12 to have my hormones checked.  Unfortunately, the Appointment Desk can’t squeeze me in and she just decided to drop the blood works and let her see me after three months.

Though I am pleaesd with the overall outcome of this check-up, I still can’t help myself but to be sad for it seems that I am, once again, being left out in the wild on my own.  I will have to go through this three-month battle without being monitored.  

Well, what can I do?  At least I see hope came peeking through that small window…  What else can I ask for?