Posted by Lady Bug in
Today is Cycle Day (CD) No. 36 and I
am so confused, frustrated and scared to death!
I normally have a 28-30 Day
Cycle and a Lutheal Phase (LH) of 13 and yesterday, since it was CD35, I caved
in and peed on a stick. I prepared my
heart to be crushed again but hope was just around the corner when a line, not
so dark though, showed up in an instant. I couldn’t believe what I saw but I can’t help
myself but cling in to that little window of hope. Could I really be pregnant? What If?
But why is the bottom part of the line darker than its upper part? Hence, they say that a line is still a line
and I’d like to take it as a Big Fat Positive (BFP)!
My heart went pumping really
early fast this morning when I get to learn that my temperature just dropped. Since it was still above the coverline, I
just ignored it. However, when I went to
pee on the two (2) different sticks that I have at home, my heart was, once
again, broken when they showed two (2) different results. They don’t seem to agree with each other because
one (1) stick gave me a BFP while the other came up with a Big Fat Negative
(BFN). What the??? This doesn’t seem so good…
Then, I felt like my heart
has been beaten to death when, an hour later, I saw a tinged of pale brown color
in the tissue after I have wiped it. I
felt so distressed that after having been upped with all those hopes, something
immediately snatched it away from me and now, I am faced with a thought of an Ectopic
Pregnancy or an Early Miscarriage? This
is so devastating!
I couldn’t help but feel
sad. I wanted to cry. I wanted to freak out. But you know what? I think I’ve heard a small voice telling me
that I must act and feel that way for I am so loved by my God and that He
surely knows what He is doing and has planned everything according to His time. I just need to put my trust in Him. I just have to…
“Fear not and lift
everything up to Him!” That’s what my mom told me when she learned
about the bad news. “Don’t worry my
dear, He will take care of everything. Just
be patient. It’ll come to you.”
I don’t know but upon
hearing her words, I felt much better. Thanks
Mom. You really are the best. I love you so much!
1 comments:
It is so difficult to just give it to God and believe in His timing. I'm sorry honey. Hoping and praying His timing for you is soon. Hugz!
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